Love Me or Hate Me

Day 2: “Fifty percent of people want to sleep with me, and the other 50 percent want to kill me.”Rachel Marsden, political pundit

Way to come out of the gate swinging, eh? When I first read this quote I thought “what the heck am I going to do with that!?” Mae West and I talked about ego yesterday, but this one’s a little over the top.

Or is it?

I don’t know Rachel Marsden. I don’t follow her, I haven’t seen her on TV and I had to look her up to see what she’s about. Something I didn’t need spelled out, though, was that this woman must be opinionated. Those without opinions don’t excite passion or hatred and she apparently has done both.

That’s a good thing. Having opinions, that is. Without them we’re just wishy washy mushy pieces of goo that can be molded any which way.

I know. I’ve been molded. The hardest things I’ve done involved breaking free of the mold. Like choosing to give my ex-husband custody of our son. Choosing to forego the material niceties so I could build a business. Choosing to be single instead of settling for relationships that did neither of us any good. And choosing to end friendships that were toxic, draining, and demeaning.

On the down side I’ve made some enemies. My ex-husband and his wife abhor me. Their opinion is that a woman should always have custody and that I must be an abominable mother to have “abandoned” my son. Some of those former friends have chosen to talk poorly about me, leave nasty comments, and try to poison others’ opinions.

On the up side, and I mean stratospherically-up, I have an amazing relationship with my son, and I always have. He understands that I chose to let his dad have custody because when I left it would have broken his heart to take his son away, too. He knows he can talk to me about anything, and while I may not always approve I will at least give him the respect to speak. He’s a man now, and my greatest pride is the honorable, kind, and mature person he’s become.

By choosing to build a business I knew, for a time, I was choosing to be broke. But you know what? Material things don’t have a whole lot of pull for me. Even now, when my ship is coming in, I’m choosing to take on passengers instead of sailing off into the sunset. I’m sharing revenue with my writers because I know what they’re providing and I want them to know I know and say thanks. The money is coming; they’re helping; they should get some of it.

I’m not single any more. I waited until I met someone who could see me – all of me – and love every bit. He’s the smile on my face when I wake up and when I hear his voice and when I look across the room.

He’s also the calming hug when I get those nasty comments. Yes, those suckers get to me. I probably shouldn’t write this, shouldn’t give them the satisfaction, but this isn’t about them. This is my site, my blog, my post, my feelings. I don’t care how strong I am, my soul is not covered with callouses and it does hurt when people say things like “you are a joke”. Why, when I know I’m not? Because it hurts to think that someone hates me so much that they’ll take their rare, valuable time and devote it to stalking my blog or my Facebook page, to creating fake Twitter accounts with the sole purpose of discrediting me.

However – and this is a big however – I do not regret the actions I’ve taken that have elicited that hatred. Basically I am sad that there are people in this world who choose insults over constructive criticism and name calling over conversation. But, unfortunately, there are and we all see them every day.

But, fortunately, there are so many more who choose compliments and kindness. Life is oh so grand. I feel like I’m wealthy beyond measure because of the friendships and love that surround me. I know that the decisions I’ve made, the choices based on integrity and ethics and a distinct sense of self, have led me to a place of happiness and confidence.

Love me or hate me – this is me, in all my un-molded glory.

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